Rin's death
by senpainooooooooo
Summary: The story of a person who used to be named Rin. He wants to tell you a little about himself. (One-shot, insanity warned I debated if I should rate this M.)


**I do not own blue exorcist/ao no exorcist. It is owned by Kazue Kato. **

Hi, my name is… I forget, but that's not important. I've been kind of bored lately so I decided to entertain myself with uuuum… I guess you would call it a monologue or something like that. Sorry I'm not that smart not like my brother. I wonder who he is. It sucks I'm such an idiot, his face and name seemed to have slipped my mind. I always just remembering me smile a lot with him around.

Well anyway I making this monologue for my boredom so I guess first I'll describe my daily routine. Truthfully I'm not a very active person. It sucks because I remember I liked to run around a lot when I was a kid but I'm stuck in now. I guess it's my own fault. I don't really remember what exactly I did, but it must be pretty bad because whenever my friends come into my room they call me names and give me mean faces.

I must be a really bad person but my friends are great for still coming and they even hug and play with me. They're great, really really great, and even a little silly! As a joke, they always wear the same gasmasks and don't tell me their names so I always confuse them together. They even all wear the same white hazmat suit and blue aprons. They're such pranksters. That's why I love them.

Yep, they visit a lot and I guess that's all the interesting things that happen to me, otherwise I just sit down on a steel chair all day. The arms have been worn by me restlessly rubbing it all day. The chair is actually pretty comfortable but I could never be very comfortable. It's because the presents my friends gave were pretty heavy. They suck but I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings so I don't like to take them off. Truthfully, it is actually kinda embarrassing but I'm always really happy when I see them.

The presents remind me that I have friends and it reminds me of what my old man used to say to me, "Rin, I want you to have lots of friends and a cute girlfriend too when you older."

Man, my old man was such a jokester. I just wonder who was that Rin kid, he was talking about. Well, like I was saying my presents always made me smile. First I had two bracelets that were sooooo heavy it seemed like they were connected to my chair. Next I had a matching set of a necklaces and belts with an interesting design of iron rings interlocking. They were really pretty. I actually cried when I first got them. I was also saying something but I don't think I remember. It was something like bastards or fuckers. I can't help but laugh now. I don't even remember what those words mean. Ha, I'm such an idiot.

Well they also got me a really heavy headband and boots. I can't move my head or feet but I cannot take it off. If I got my friends upset, I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. Hell, I might even cry. Although whenever I cry, my friends laugh. They can be really mean sometimes… but I still gotta be very nice! Otherwise they might leave me like everyone else...

Yep, my friends are really nice just for coming. I have proof! Whenever we get done playing they always clean up the floors, the walls, and even the ceilings too. That's pretty nice especially since most of the mess comes from me.

I couldn't live without my friends. Our games are the best. There were many kinds of games but these three were the most often. First my friends would sing a song to me. Most of the time, it was really great. I used to sing along with them but then my friends would get **really **angry. They would always press this button and I would feel really bad like my entire body was screaming. They would also throw my water on me. My water always hurt so bad I could barely drink it at first. Although I loved the songs, sometimes the songs would do weird thing. They would sing and then I'd get the worst headache. I remember at first I'd almost bite of my tongue when I hear it. They must be bad at singing but I'll never show it. I always smile at them the entire time even when I puke from the headache! My one friend is the best. She or at least I think it's a she wipes the blood that leaks from my ears and eyes. I wonder why that happens.

It's kinda like my other game. First, they would make me smile. They could just ask me to but I always mess up by giggling. It always makes me feel awful when I can't do it but in return they just use the toy I call smile. They put it in my mouth and twist a knob slowly. My mouth widens until I'm smiling with all my friends! I'm sure their smiles are as big as mine under the masks. In celebration, they feed me food.

Keep this a secret but my friends are awful cooks. Their food always burns my mouth, gets me sick, or makes me puke but I guess that's all a part of their charm! It's kinda like the clumsy girl from a manga. Clumsy girls are so cute; they remind me of Shiemi-chan. I still wish I remembered who she was but I remember her tripping a lot. I couldn't help but laugh. They were such good times with friends before I came to hell. Damn, yet another title to something I don't know what it means. I've just always called this room hell. I don't know why but it always fit in the back of my mind.

Oh! Our third game is really fun. I call it porcupine because I always end up looking like one in the end. I remember when I was a kid I like to pretend I was a lion. I guess I never dropped the habit of playing animals. Man, I'm too much like a kid.

I don't get to play much but when we play porcupine it takes hooooours. It makes me so happy to play; I cheer and cheer and cheer. I cheer until my throat bleeds or maybe until my friends stop my tongue from working. In retrospect, I don't think porcupines have quills on the inside.

The quills are always different every time. My friends bring them out in all shapes, sizes, and color. They're all really pretty and I always feel bad for making them messy even though my friends seem happier when I make a bigger mess.

But I still feel so bad. I even cry whenever I make a mess. I wouldn't if it bothered my friends but they always laugh when I cry so I do it gladly. Oh, wait my friends are coming in. Wow, it's a lot today.

I greeted them happily, "Hi, guys! It's nice to see you again!"

I noticed my friends in the back jumped up almost startled. I noticed they were wearing something different than usual. They wore simple black coats and only strapped on gas masks. It's been awhile since I've seen other people's hair. My own had grown far too long and was like straw. My hair messily covered my shoulders like similar to how one of my friends purple locks fell on her shoulders.

I smile at that one, "You hair is so pretty."

My purple haired friend stood back startled. My normal friend laughed at me. I recognized his voice. This one loved to play porcupine. "Don't worry boys and girls. This one is a half breed. Even if he is Satan's bastard the little fucker snapped. He was always so mouthy." He chuckled in reverie, "But I personally broke the little demon shit."

I laughed cutting the man off, "Alright! Thanks buddy; I almost forgot who I was. My name is demon shit. I'm such a dunce! I almost forgot. That's what you always call me so it must be my name."

My friends in black coats seemed to shudder at my antics. I looked at them confused, head tilted, but my normal friend laughed it off. "Yeah! Your name is demon shit! Do you see? This kid is fucking crazy. Demon shit, what's your favorite game?"

I smiled up at him and said, "Its porcupine."

My friend continued his jeers. "Oh, I love that game! I'm here for a special game but we can play that after."

My friend's laughing echoed in his thick neck and his large bosoms jiggled around. I couldn't help but laugh. I perfected this laugh as I've played those games. A quiet laugh ends up causing my friends to be distressed yet a robust one seemed to annoy them. That's why this is definitely the best laugh. It resonates with my soul and it makes my teeth rattle. It's not perfect though whenever I do it my friends always stop playing and seem almost afraid. How odd.

My laughter was interrupted by a sharp kick to the jaw. Dizzy, I hear a voice grunt irritably, "Fuck that laughter creeps everyone out. That's why he does it. Early onto our tests he learned how to creep out all the researchers. After a while only half the researchers remained but I have high hope for you lot. I heard you were with him when they discovered he was Satan's spawn. How was the beast when he wasn't completely crazy?"

My newer friend, who had broad shoulders and a blonde streak on the top of his, stepped forward. Before my giggling friend could hear his growl, the other new friend grabbed his shoulder silencing him. I looked at them curiously. My head tilted forty five degrees.

In moments, my normal friend wrenched out an old iron key from his pocket and decided to take off my presents. I smiled at him ready for him to play my part now. I've been waiting for a long time for my turn to play with my friends the same way they do with me. I want to do it sooooo bad.

I've dreamed of it, craved it, and desired it more than any otherthing. I couldn't help but giggle no laugh like the world was ending. It was finally **my** turn! As I stood up from my constant throne, I realized how underdressed I was. I stood simply in a white cotton shorts. They were dirty and ragged from sweat, dirt, and old age. There should be stains from shit or piss but I guess I would need water or food for that. It's been awhile since I've done any of that stuff. I guess I lost count of the days.

Then, my long way up off the chair finally came to an end. My legs shook for a moment and then collapsed. I guess it's been awhile since I walked too. I hear gasps from my new friends. They're so nice to worry about me.

I see my old friend hold up a long old toy of ours. It was before I was used to all our games. I struggled a lot so I needed a shock to calm down. He pointed at me and I braced for impact. I didn't even feel it or I just don't remember it. All I knew was darkness.

But I could hear was my friend laugh, "Now let me show you our new experiment. It's the latest in demon restraint."

. . .

I woke to the sound of a grotesque sloshing and numbness all around. I recognize the familiar sound of metal piercing my flesh. Am I playing porcupine?

Looking up I feel my movements restricted. My arms are bent back behind me unable to be moved. Next, my legs were stuck in a kneeling position and I could not help but keep my body stiff. I see my old friend standing in front of me. His bent yellow smile shined in my eyes. I look down at my body seeing spikes pierce through my body and legs. It pinned me so that if I move at all in any direction, I would be impaled further. It looked like porcupine and I was excited too but something was…off.

I've felt this feeling a hundred times before but not in a long time. My mind was almost shaking, and my brain felt like it was about to melt. In my pinned state, I did something odd, which I have never done before. I screamed. It was horrible really. It was long, desperate, and it wrung both high and low in my ears. I wanted to apologize to my friends. They might think I'm no fun to play with and I wouldn't be able to deal with them leaving forever.

I started to groan and tears seemed to well up in my eyes. Why am I like this? Isn't this game supposed to be fun? What's wrong? I look at my new friends they seem to be shivering in the corner almost sick. I choke out my apologies but for some reason it came out as, "Ki…kill me,"

How odd.

My old friend giggled, "It's been awhile since I've seen him like this. Those scientists really are geniuses. They whipped up this metal, which is like holy water, silver, and demon pesticide all wrapped into one giant fucking spike."

I couldn't help but continue my stiff writhing. Touching anymore pieces of these spikes would be terrible. I heard a new friend say trembling. "How can this be tolerated by the Grigori? This is cruel!"

My old friend laughed out loud, "Idiots, if you hated this so much you should have said something earlier but we need these experiments to see what hurts those high class demons."

My broad shouldered friend stepped forward again. "Bastard, this is our friend!"

I look up and I whisper out, "Bon?"

They all pause and soon my new friends throw of their masks. They all cheer out one odd word, "Rin! Rin!"

Yet they were interrupted by my torturer, no sorry, I meant friend. "What are you guys doing? We gas this entire place all the time to keep the demons docile. It could kill you."

"Not today," My friend with funny eyebrows stood forth confidently. "The gas has been shut off for valve maintenance. We had to wait for … you to finish your job so you would finally take off those chains."

I looked at her and felt a tug at my chest. I wanted to embrace her for some reason. I also look at my torturer. No, wait he's my friend. Damn it why do I keep confusing those words. I suddenly **really **want to play with him. Yeah, my **friend** should get a turn to play. It only fair.

I slowly pulled apart my arms that were behind my back. I screamed again and cried again and screamed again and cried again. The spikes that ran through both my arms dropped off silently onto the back of my legs. Although this action drove the spikes between the back and arms further into my flesh, I brought back my arms to their original position once again in order to remove more spikes. Sadly, they did not fall but poked out my back like spikes on a dragon. I rose up to my feet but now two spikes were driven far into my stomach. Coughing up blood, I notice once I am standing up that two spikes poked out of each leg now and the rest clatter to the floor. I am free.

I look up at my old friend a smile brighter than ever before. I giggle just like he did moments ago, "It your turn to **play!**"

My old friend wanted to wrestle suddenly. He tried to tackle me and I overcame him. I was always so much stronger than my friends. In the end I might have accidently broke some parts of him as I wrestle in the chair that was once my home but I don't think he'll be mad forever. Friends are meant to forgive each other. Right? I made him wear my presents; it was finally my turn to play.

I held my friend's hand reassuringly. I thought it was nice but he cursed at me plenty. Damn, my friends are such potty mouths. Now, I went to collect the spikes but suddenly thin arms wrapped around my scarred stomach.

I look back to see the pigtailed girl again teary eyed. She cried to me snuggling her head into my chest, "Rin, it been three years. Don't ever leave me again."

I feel tears well up and I want desperately to embrace her. I feel pressure on my shoulders and I look over to see the rooster headed boy smiled at him. I also felt the need to greet him like an old friend after many years. Another boy with glasses and a mole peppered face smiled at me warmly with two boys and an awkward cheering girl behind him. He said cheerfully, "Come on, Nii-san, let's go home."

Eyebrows-chan (or at least that's the name that popped up in my head when I saw her) said cheerfully. "Yeah, Rin, let's get out of here."

I smiled at them before taking one last peek at my old friend. I think I would like these guys more than this friend. Finally, I said to them tears streaming down my face, "Leave!"

They all looked at me wide eyed and eyebrows knitted together. I, still crying, looked at my shaking hands. I couldn't help but say something that I did not fully know what it meant. "I… whatever I am I know I'm not this Rin. No I'm sorry but that's impossible because Rin died a long time ago. There is no Rin anymore so you guys can just leave. I'm sorry to tell my new friends this but its best to just leave today. I'm going to play with my best friend right now."

The blonde awkward girl stuttered, "B-but Rin we came here to save you!"

I pulled out a spike from my leg and looked up at the girl. I felt my powers come back to me slowly sadly unaccompanied by memories. After the years, my flame horns had become more refined and even looked like horns made of blue crystal. Fire rippled of my bare back like miniature batwings and my flaming blue tipped tail whipped around like violent fly. I twisted my body around to my new friends and said with slight annoyance for some odd reason, "I'm sorry but you were way too late. That poor bastard is gone."

I walked to where I was kneeling before and collected the spikes. Then I set them on a chrome table that my normal friend brought in.

"But Okumura!" The short bald kid stuttered with shivering body.

I look back now truly annoyed. "I'm not him. Now please leave."

I look back at my friend screaming and grunting in my chair. I pick up a single spike and run the tip gently under his finger nails. I hear them silently walk out and now relieved from the silence except my friend's scared groans, I plunged the spike under his nail. This will be the most pleasant part for him. Porcupine is a really tough game to master.

**This story was inspired by the torture scene in Tokyo ghoul. That manga is my shit. Anyway I wanted to apply Kaneki's mental break to the Ao no excorcist universe in a way that would make sense.**


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